Saturday, October 16, 2010


i just woke up.. than I got my heart hurting so much even fo crying like a baby I can't everything just so flat now..

ya I just realized that I can touch someone life anymore..
I'm not the part of it anymore
his new life just to happy now, with his new carrier be a softball player then a hundred girl adore him so much.. then he truth that he's smiling, laughing, and share the love with the girl outside there ,I cant came into his new life.
I adore the old him.. I love the old him.. I miss the old him..the old
but its difficult to figure out the old him,, I just found someone that I just knew a little just a little about him.. I dunno anymore or everything until now I'm dying on my bad hugging my doll then found my self crying crying crying because I can't recognize who is he anymore..?

I am just broken now.. hope someday I'll find u and see ur smile like before..
then the zero disappear change to hundred.. amin.


Another photo taken by my friends..
the concept is white
but dunno why the concept changed into horror.. hahhaha


gosh who am I? i'm not ur girlfriend anymore I cant demand u with every question on my head????

who's that girl? why u look so ohh.. bla bla (skipped)
and a hundred question like those
Im curious , scared, disappointed, stress,
I just wanna scream "hey bitch (sorrybadword) he's mine.. mine.. mine go away" but the truth I can't I'm just nothing now..

stupid me, I love him okay but I can't do anything
I've tried to say that i love him but the answer sounds like "c'mon girl we broke up 1 month ago so enough to say love or bla bla bla" I swear I wont ever told u that I love u I'll keep it.. or please when I say it can u respond love u too or whatever that show that u still love me..

I'm the stupid people on the world now, love someone but even to say I love him I feel scare.
damn it and now I jealous just because my stupid intuition on those fucking twitter.

sorry I cant handle anymore I need to shouting out, maybe I just to scared to take my reality that we weren't together even we still love each other and I'm not ready someone that I really love leave me I can't imagine...sorry I'm just out of control with my feeling I miss u so bad here..

okay the end I hate u TWITTER

hitam putih = MEMORIS

if I can turn back the time
I just want erased all the sadness on ur face
and draw a smile on ur face
so everyday u can feel happy :)

thanks for every memories
i wont erased it

i just lost

When you're lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered a few feet off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it's time to admit that you have belwildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore???

my angel

adek cepat sembuh...
jangan sakit sakit ingat kita punya banyak janji dan rencana i'll do my best fo u dek
i promise (finger cross)

I DO MISS U here dek...
see u soon nyengku

Monday, October 11, 2010


Sometimes, even now,
I look at pictures of you.

See what you’re doing,
smile when you’re mentioned;

I laugh at your jokes, in my head,
even when I remember tears, too.

All of this is bad, I know.

To recall,
just when love became memory.

never stop

i kept reading all message that u send to me
i kept remembering the memories that we both had together.
and this tears cant stop running down.

i kept hugging the doll of yours that you gave to me.
i kept......
and this feeling cant stop.....

follow ur heart

‘Dan kelak, di saat begitu banyak jalan

terbentang di hadapanmu

dan kau tak tahu jalan mana yang harus

kau ambil, janganlah memilihnya dengan

asal saja, tetapi duduklah dan

tunggulah sesaat. Tariklah napas

dalam-dalam, dengan penuh kepercayaan.

Seperti saat kau bernapas di hari pertamamu di dunia ini.

Jangan biarkan apa pun mengalihkan

perhatianmu, tunggulah dan tunggulah

lebih lama lagi. Berdiam dirilah, tetap hening,

dan dengarkanlah hatimu.

Lalu ketika hati itu bicara, beranjaklah,

dan pergilah kemana hati membawamu’

by: susana tammaro

the truth ur gone

You get me. You’re the only one who ever understood exactly what I meant, and didn’t get mad when I overreacted or said something stupid, because you knew that I didn't know better. You wouldn’t look at my smile, you’d look at my eyes, and you would just know when I needed a hug. You would let me talk and you’d just listen, because you knew that no one else would. You picked me up when you knew that I was hurting, and you would call my bluff when I wouldn’t look you in the eyes. You knew me better than anyone else, and now that you’re gone no one’s around to save me.... you're gone..

shout out

For long time I keep it alone I think I should say it,but I'm to scared to show out my feeling about you. You’re the only person that ever made me feel anything, really feel. Even if it wasn’t always the best of feelings, you’re the only one who could make me smile or tear me down in three seconds flat. You’re the only person that can drive me crazy, in both good and bad ways. You’re the only person that ever made me feel like I didn’t have to try so hard. I'm not okay without you. I keep thinking of how much I talking to you. How good you look when you smile. How much I love your laugh. I daydream about you replaying our conversation, laughing at funny things that your said or did. I've memorized your face and the way that you look at me, I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine.

I just wish you knew I still loved you, and I wish you would do something with that knowledge. I wish you would grab me and hold me tight in your arms and whisper in my ear how much you loved me more, like you always did.. amen.

Even neither of us don know what the future holds, I know one thing's fo sure U're the best things that has ever happened to me.

dedicated for you A.lolo sinrang ap

sleeping impossible, everything's reminds me of you

When someone is in your heart, they’re never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times.

3 a.m and I'm still awake.. I just feel to tired with my condition just got dismenorhea again and again.. very painful all day just lay on the bed suddenly I really miss my mom, she always be my guardian the only one person that can make me feel better but she weren't here. I do miss u mom.

okay every night it just become a nightmare fo me, I'm still day dream about you then I'm crying in my room. I want to dial your number so bad and desperately tell you how much you mean to me. Only you make me feel loved and wanted in this cold hearted world but when I'm starting to showed my feeling typing a short word then send it to you a short word just (I MISS U) your answered just (hehe). I know it will happen. the only one can I do just crying over the night. realize that no more sweet word fo me no more love story fo me. its make me thinking did you try to say that u aren't mean to me or u try to say just go away from my life cause everything its really over, but how hard u tried to ignore me I never let u go I'll always same then my love never change. oh God how miserable me now see LOVES TOO FRAGILE.

thanks fo your little caring its like a million hope fo me, your caring its the best medicine. I hope someday I will listen you whisper on my ears that you love me. thanks fo always be here even I cant call you as my own anymore. thank you. A.lolo sinrang AP.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I need these rooms

new days..
I need a new room like these..
make it one for me..
mom dad please just one ...*sigh

Agnes is the cutest thing EVER
Agnes loves unicorns, and unicorns love her. lalalala break out in adorable song before falling asleep about love for unicorns
Smacking your cheeks to make a noise does not count as anything annoying, only ADORABLE.



Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them MFE.

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.A real speed demon. Has more than one best friend. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Resend this in 5 min. and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.


Drop dead gorgeous!!! Attractive personality. Very sexy!!. Affectionate & Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Chatterbox! Loves to talk alot! Loves to get their way! . Unbelievable kisser! Easily angered. Very stubborn in the most way possible! Loves to get noticed! Willing to take risks for others. Makes good choices. Has a great fashion sense! Maybe a little too popular with others . Outgoing and crazy at times! Intelligent. Can sometimes be a heartbreaker! Can love as much as possible! Hates insults. Loves compliments! A very big flirt!and quiet the charmer. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. The best in bed out of the other 11 months!! Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.likes to keep theyre crushes kinda secret.pretty much flawless If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.

Suave and compromising.. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and travelling. Systematic.. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that’s caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize at
you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

Hella sexy, loves sex n making luv, tends to be SOOOOO hott!! Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. if you do not repost this in the next 5 mins. someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.

Fun to be with. Loves to try new things. Boy/girls LOVE you. You are very hott. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takesrep pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt.
Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times.Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 day

You’ve got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have a very attractive partner, a wicked hottie. Like somebody with a JUNE brithday. It is also more likely than that you have a massive record collection. When it comes to films, you know how to pick them and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you’ve got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.

outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. self control. kind hearted. Self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an “every thing’s peachy” attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of “that someone”. longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by “no pain no gain” caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. “charming” or “beautiful” to everyone. stubborn. curious.. independent. strong willed. a fighter. repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Great in bed. Inner and physical beauty. Doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. A meaningful love life partner. Makes right choices. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Does not harm others. It is all about love and fairness. Easily hurt and hard to recover. Daydreamer and does fullfill. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Knows what to do, to have fun. Unpredictable. Someone to have close to you. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will kiss the one that you been wanting…

Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. Repost in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month.

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck.. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.

This straight-up means ur the most good-looking Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. having many children. Hardworking. High spirited.

these amuse me.

and i'm march

via theskylove)

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

welcome september

welcome my SEPTEMBER...
lemme get your shiny then lighting my day
I'm ready to Move Up, more and better than before!!!!!

wake me up

I hate smells of goodbye

weepies- cant go back now

Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

You know there will be days
When you're so tired
That you can't take another step
The night will have no stars
And you'll think you've gone as far
As you will ever get

You and me wak on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

And yeah, yeah, you go where you want to go
Yeah, yeah, be what you want to be
If you ever turn around, you'll see me

I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
Yeah, you and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on


Everyone means something in your life. Even if they’re not there for any apparent reason, imagine if they weren’t there. The puzzle pieces of your life wouldn’t fit in the same way again.

is it true... does u know what I feel?

hey u already push the DELETE button on your heart..
it easy as you think to erased all those memories 
starting deleting me from your bbm contact 
its one of ur way to run away from me??
its your decision even it makes me cry thousand time
hope u will enjoy and get some shiny day without me
amin :)

its u

yeah its totally YOU ..
believing something that u heard and only half of what u can see
half ,u can't see the complete picture 
just rely by ur intuition 
u would never ever know the truth
coz u closed ur heart and ur eyes 
from the truth

separated by usher

If love was a bird 
Then we wouldn't have wings 
If love was a sky 
We'd be blue 
If love was a choir 
You and I could never sing 
Cause love isn't for me and you 

If love was an Oscar 
You and I could never win 
Cause we can never act out our parts 
If love is the Bible 
Then we are lost in sin 
Because its not in our hearts 

So why don't you go your way 
And I'll go mine 
Live your life, and I'll live mine 
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine 
Cause we're better off, separated 

If love was a fire 
Then we have lost the spark 
Love never felt so cold 
If love was a light 
Then we're lost in the dark 
Left with no one to hold 

If love was a sport 
We're not on the same team 
You and I are destined to lose 
If love was an ocean 
Then we are just a stream 
Cause love isn't for me and you 

So why don't you go your way 
And I'll go mine 
Live your life, and I'll live mine 
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine 
Cause we're better off, separated 

Girl I know we had some good times 
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye 
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny 
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I 
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us 
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust 
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry 
It's killing me so, why don't you go 

So why don't you go your way 
And I'll go mine 
Live your life, and I'll live mine 
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine 
Cause we're better off, separated

oh gosh... I cried again.... hold on my tears..

Monday, August 30, 2010

it over night, still stuck on my own feel„ couldn’t catch up over all..
miss someone outside there. and getta got a bit pain from this dismeorhea,
what was I feel it’s like a thief still spinning at one point I couldn't switch it out.
such as the earth continues to revolve....
I thought going away,keeping clear and staying busy would drive him out of my head,but doesn’t work.
still thinking bout HIM.. and I miss him even we aren't  on the same way now...
whats going on with my mind..?
can u give me the answer ???? 

Saturday, August 28, 2010


Sometimes I imagine you’re still here next to me, tracing your fingers along the curvature of my spine. It’s the only way I can find sleep on nights like these. You see, the sleeping pills never held back tears; they did not wear out my love for you. These nights are lonely when you’re gone....

at the time goes

“At the time, my life just seemed too complete, and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.”
— Chuck Palahniuk

yah maybe I need to broke some pieces of my life it looks completed but there's something wrong... 
I need to fix it.... but I believe after this I will have a wonderful life.. cheers fo ME... :")

maybe.. ??? who knows

You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was just good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her because you don’t destroy people you love.

Friday, August 27, 2010

27 august...
09.00 p.m

i will neve ever forget that night...

Ya ALLAH maybe this is ma destiny, fall in  love with someone that never care with ma love...
sejahat- jahatnya gw , aku gak bakalan buat orang yg gw sayang malu atau ngebuka aib di media...

ya aku emang sayang banget tp untuk sekarang ini terlalu sakit untuk saling memafkan..
u'll ever ever know how sick I'm... aku  tau gak ada yg suka pacarya dipanggil sayang... tapi toh aku gak pindah hati, aku gak ngegubris sayangnya.. asal kamu tau aku jaga semuanya... kamu cmn terlalu egois buat ngelihat sisi itu.
yg kamu tau kmu gak suka,, kamu marah... kamu benci.. kamu sakit... kamu ga mau tau gimana aku...

aku gak ngebiarin kamu sakit.. makanya aku gak ngebiarin kamu tau kalo ada cowok yg manggil aku dgn sayang... tapi toh kamu sendiri yg ngebuat diri kamu marah, sakit, curigaan.. kamu sendiri yang buka,,,

kalo kamu gak suka.. kenapa kamu gak ngomong ma orgnya langsung.. knp gak usaha nyari tau.. knp .. knp...KNP GAK BERUSAHA NYARI TAU YG SEBENARNYA..????????

ya sudahlah... apapun yg terjadi gak bakalan ngerubah apa-apa..
aku udah terlanjur jelek,, bodoh rendah buat kamu..

cuman bisa ngedoain yg terbaik buat kamu..amin..

thanks fo everything....

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

so long ..

its ma old note.. that I keep ...
i just wanna post it now....

We are on relationship since 3 years almost 4 years, cry, smile, laugh together,, we think we knew each other, we respect each other and always understand, there a bunch of problem that happened in our story but we still hold on together .. but life keep givin bigger stone for us.. 

I know that doing LDR its a difficult way.. i never wanted but it must,,
I didn't meet him for 6 moth can u feel it, how alone me here.. my heart scream to beside him always, but it couldn't,, all those what I want just imagine, how's  diffcult to do this,,

Yah but we ar on own love way now, i just miss him here , but why for long time i cant see him then  when we see each other, i just too happy to described what I feel we back living together with love we a the happy couple then I cant catch him anymore,,, i just miss him...i miss him .. i miss him... i miss him...

i can't

it took me an hour to realize that is it true happened..
even when I write  this I hope it just a dream..

how miserable me now.... how mess everything..
I still cant face the reality that what really happened wasn't what I want ..
I need a big slap on ma face to wake me up ad realize that u' re really out from my life...

all is to late now.. even I cried a thousand time it  wouldn't change anything...
time goes to fast.. it doesn't give me a space to breathing ma happiness.. ma long journey with u...

long journey :"(

sudah terlalu lama semuanya dibiarkan..
sudah terlalu lama diam ini kusimpan sendiri..
sudah terlalu lama...

Tuhan rasanya sakit mengetahui setiap kejujuran yg kubuat dianggap sebuah kebohongan..
setiap waktu aku selalu mencoba unutk menghargai kepercayaanya.. bahkan ketika ada kesempatan untuk berbohong aku lebih memilih jujur.. aku lebih memilih mengatakan apa yg tidak ingin dia dengar..
ya aku lebih memilih mengatakan "masih di jalan " daripada berbohong dan mengatakan "sudah di rumah"..
ya aku sadar salah memang mengatakannnya di belakang.. ya malam tidak akan pernah berubah jad sore...

ya ternyata waktu sama sekali tidak menjamin apa-apa tidak menjamin orang yang kita sayang tetap di sini , tidak menjamin orang yang kita sayang mengenal kita... waktu sama sekali tidak menjamin semuanya..

Ya setiap masalah aku selalu membahasnya.. tapi sekarang aku diam...
bukan berarti aku meng-IYA kan berakhirnya semua ini,, harusnya kau tahu diamku ini karena aku menjaga semuanya..
aku menjaga supaya kita gak berantem lagi.. aku menjaga perasaanmu.. aku diam walaupun aku sungguh bukan org yg suka mendiamkan sesuatu.. aku hanya butuh waktu untuk membuat air mata ini tertahn dan membiarkan semua perasaan bersalah, perasaan tidak dipedulikan itu berubah menjadi mengalah dan bertahan...
tapi nyatanya kamu sama sekali tidak melihat sisi itu.. yg kamu tahu aku cumanlah seorang pembohong,,

ya mungkin ini memang patut aku terima.. saat berusaha mempertahankan sesuatu tapi yg ada malah jawaban " hubungannya sm saya apa" tuhan sakit terlalu sakit, ya sakit menerima kalau kamu menganggap "saya memang seperti ini" ya saya mmg selalu salah ya saya mmg bodoh mengulang kesalahan..tapi saya mau memperthankannya,, kamu tahu seberapa mengalahnya saya.. kamu tahu seberapa sakitnya harus terus mengiyakan apa yg kamu anggap salah dari saya.. kau tau rasanya.. sakitttt .. tapi saya bertahan saya mengalah itu karena saya lebih memilih menjaga semuanya..tapi ternyata semuanya sama terlalu kecil untuk dimengerti dan dianggap.. ya sakit saat mengatakan " sy mmg nda bisa bahagiakan org yg saya sayang " dan kamu menjawab baru nyadar... mungkin sy mmg pernah melakukan kesalahan tp sy tidak pernah tidak menghargai setiap senyum yang kamu berikan...  

ya saya memang begini... saya memang kelihatannya welcome.. saya memang kelihatannya bahagia.. saya memang kelihatannya menikmati hidup.. ya ku fikir kamu satu-satunya org yang mengerti kalau sy bukan org yg mampu dinilai dari sebuah intuisi, dari smua yg terlihat di dunia maya.. dari semua fikiran2 negatif seseorang,,,
tapi tenyata kamu melihat ku dgn cara itu.. 

kalau kamu bilang tidak smuanya harus kamu ungkapkan begitu juga aku..
pernah aku bilang aku sakit dicuekin, pernah aku bilang aku mau kamu yang memulai pembicaraan duluan pernah aku bilang aku mau sedikit saja diperhatikan lebih ,pernah aku bilang aku mau kamu sedikit saja keliahatan bodoh didepanku supaya aku senyum.. pernah aku bilang semua yang tidak aku suka.. kalaupun aku bilang itu semua cmn serpihan kecil dari hati ini.. tapi aku tidak pernah berusaha merubahmu.. karena aku bahagia bersama kamu APA ADANYA.... tidak peduli aku tidak suka, aku tidak senang, aku sakit aku terima semuanya,,,,,

ya aku selalu melihat semua usahamu, mungkin kamu berfikir aku tidak mengahargainya kamu salah, aku berterima kasih buat semua senyum,, semua pengorbananmu.. aku mengingat semua detail dari terkecil sampai hal yg mungkin kau anggap aku tdk mungkin mengingatnya kau ingat.. kubiarkan setiap keping kenangan itu tertanam di dalam hati ini biar aku ingat kalau sejauh apa aku pergi tetap ada kamu... tapi kamu tidak pernah mekihat sisi ini... yang kamu tahu saya mmg BEGINI,, 

sedikitpun saya tidak berniat untuk menyakitimu.. tahu sekali lagi sakit mengetahui kamu berfikir aku cuman maen-maen dengan semua yg telah terjadi...buat apa ku biarkan hati ini merasakan sakit memberimu ruang kalau aku cmn menggangapnya permainan, buat apa kukorbankan smuanya kalau aku cuman menganggap ini permainan.. buat apa semua kenangan kita kalau itu cmn aku anggap permainan, kamu salah kamu salah kamu tidak akan pernah tahu seberapa dalam rasa ini buat kamu.. kamu tidak akan pernah tahu seberapa bisa aku menhan sakit hanya karena kamu.. kamu tidak akan pernah tahu seberapa yakin aku... seberapa seriusnya aku tata hati dan hidupku cmn buat kamu.... sekali lg kamu tidak tahu krn buatmu saya memang BEGINI

ya saya salah melakukan kesalahan saya salah dengan semua hal yg menyakitimu,, tapi saya tidak pernah menghianati atau berniat JAHAT... sungguh kamu bukan kamu yg aku kenal.. kamu tidak mungkin menganggap aku JAHAT kamu tidak mungkin melihat cuman dri satu capture tweet.. sungguh tidak ada gunanya aku membela diri karena kamu tidak akan percaya,,, sekuat apapun aku berkata cuman ada kamu.. kamu tidak akan percaya..
kamu tahu aku pernah membaca twittermu aku cemburu aku marah melihat ada org lain yg memperhatikanmu dan itu bukan aku.. aku marah karena kaupun meladeni setiapa perhatian itu.. tapi apa kamu pernah dengar aku bilang kamu JAHAT pa kamu pernah dengar kalau aku tahu itu ... tidak aku menyimpannya rapat dihatiku karena aku percaya kamu.. tidak peduli apa yg intuisi ini fikirkan tidak peduli sesakit apa perasaan ini.. yg kutau aku harus percaya KAMU,,

ya aku tahu berat tidak bisa melihat apa yg kulakukan di sini.. sama seperti aku.. tapi aku tidak peduli aku tidak bisa melihatmu. selama percaya itu masih di hati ini aku tidak akan pernah meragukan apa yg kamu katakan.. aku tidak akan pernah membiarkan kecurigaan ini merusak percaya itu...

belum cukup bukti? kenapa tidak dibalas? skrg kita sdh bisa beri dia harapan... saya cuman berfikir kita jahat,,
tahu rasanya mendengar ini,,, kamu tahu tembok kepercayaan yg kubangun utukmu hancur saat itu juga kamu tahu keyakinan keihlasan yg aku pegang untukmu hilang seiring rasa sakit yg aku rasa,,,,  begitu sakitnya hingga untuk menatapmu nanti aku bahkan tidak akan mampu,,, kamu tau betapa susahnya kita bertahan... kamu tahu ini bukan ttg aku dan kamu tapi KITA,,, sebegitu rendahnya kah aku di mata org yg aku sayang.. sebegitu tipisnya percaya itu..ya saya mmg salah tapi pernah kamu berfikir kalau aku tidak akan memilihmu kalau aku tahu ada org yg lebih memperhatikan aku.. aku tidak akan memilihmu kalau aku tahu ada org yg bisa bahagiakanku.. tapi aku memilihmu.. karena aku berfikir yang terbaik yang mampu bahagiakan aku cuman KAMU buakan dia atau siapapun. jangan pernah berfikir aku tidak menganggap smua perhatianmu,,, haruskah aku mengatakannya kalau aku bahagia dgn smua perhatianmu bahkan untuk sekecil apapun.. bagiku tanpa mengatakannya aku tahu kamu pasti merasakan betapa berartinya kamu... ... sekali lg aku mmg BEGINI dimatamu...

mana bisa sy percaya klo kita saja bohong? klo kita masih berhubungan,, terlalu sakit,, kecewa sekali, tenyata kta memang anggap semuanya maen2...
entahlah apa yg  harus kukatakan.. aku tidak akan pernah membiarkanmubertahan di sini,, sementara aku tahu aku tidak akan pernah mendapat kepercayaan itu... sementara aku tahu tidaka ada gunanya aku bertahan kalau yg ada bukan bahagia yg kuberikan cuman sakit dan kecewa... aku tidak akan berusaha membela diri atau menyalahkanmu yg menganggapku seperti itu,,, aku cmn bisa berdoa semoga suatu saat kamu tahu yg sebenarnya kamu meyadari kalau aku tidak pernah ingin menyakitimu...

sudahlah.. ini mungkin yang terbaik... sudah terlalu sakit aku melihatmu sakit.. sudah terlalu kecewa aku melihatmu kecewa... ya biarlah semua ini cuman aku yg merasakannya,, biarlah cuman aku yg tahu,,,
maaf..maaf dan maaf untuk tidak bisa menjadi org yg kau mau sy mmg begini,,, maaf karena akhirnya harus begini, maaf karena saat aku pergi aku meniggalkann sakit .. maaf ...
walaupun sungguh aku tidak ingin semua ini berakhir,,, seandainya ada waktu bisa memperbaiki semuanya? i just love u .... no matter how sick i'm.. i just know that I love u..

kamu tk perlu minta maaf, karena bagiku mengenal dan menjadi bagian hidupmu adalah anugrah yang begitu indah dan dari itu gak ada yang salah... aku bahagia mengenalmu...
*hal yang paling kuinginkan adalah MELIHATMU BAHAGIA...
maaf kalau selama ini aku tidak pernah bisa jadi yang terbaik dan jadi seperti yang kamu inginkan...
semoga suatu saat aku dan kamu sama sama mengerti ttg apa yg kita tidak megerti selama ini,,,
thanks ..4 every moments that we spend together,, I'LL NEVER FORGET IT..
sorry for every pain...
semoga kebahagian selalu dlimpahkan kepadamu...



thanks for every moment that u givin to me.
thanks fo every smile that u bring
thanks fo all great year ..
thanks fo everythings,,,,